Understanding the Experiences of Birth Children “Through Their Eyes”
Even with the best intentions, foster and adoptive parents often unintentionally overlook the needs of their birth children. When parents choose to foster or adopt, the time and energy required to address the needs of the new child/children can leave birth children feeling neglected or sidelined. Even in families with minimal relational challenges before fostering or adopting, introducing a new child can disrupt the family dynamic. Understandably, children who have been separated from their birth families often carry trauma-related psychological, behavioral, and physical issues that foster and adoptive parents must navigate. While addressing these needs is essential, it can sometimes come at the expense of the birth children’s emotional and developmental well-being.
“I often hear from birth children that they feel neglected by their parents,” says Annette Williams, Ph.D., Program Manager for Arms Wide’s Post Adoption and Post Permanency Services in the Fort Bend area. “The default assumption is that because they’ve had parents their whole lives, they’ll be okay.”
Resentment toward both the parents and foster or adoptive sibling can lead to risky and dangerous behaviors, including substance experimentation and abuse, promiscuity, and even running away from home. Some parents recognize these behaviors but may not understand why their children are acting out. Others may be in denial about their inability to balance the needs of all their children, sometimes resulting in sending a birth child to live with a relative. When post-adoption and post-permanency parents reach out for support, it is often because they’re facing a crisis.
“There needs to be a preventative effort on our side to make sure that the whole family is ready to welcome a child into their home,” says Dr. Williams. “When they reach out to us to adopt or provide foster care, they need to be able to confidently say that their children are on board with this.”
We Seek to Understand and Support the Whole Family in this Journey
Dr. Williams is launching Through Their Eyes, a curriculum designed to better understand the experiences of birth children in foster or adoptive families. The program aims to connect both birth children and parents with others who have had similar experiences.
If you are an adult who grew up with a foster or adoptive sibling, or if you are a parent with both birth children and foster/adoptive children, we invite you to join us. Virtual focus groups for those who live in both Houston and Corpus Christi begin on February 22, 2025. Visit our Events calendar for more information and to register.
If you are a parent with both birth children and adoptive children, let us support you before challenges arise. Visit our Permanency Support page to learn more about our free services, or call us at 1-800-460-6298 to get started.